And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
