and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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