i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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