the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
