Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize