I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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