We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
