the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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