I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize