I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
