ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
