finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
