I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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