have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
