Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
