They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
