I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
