You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
