We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
