I feel like I'm in dance class right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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