I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
