Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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