I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
