they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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