It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
