I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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