She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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