just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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