READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
