I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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