well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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