they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
