But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
