A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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