So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
