I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i think my cat just said my name.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
