So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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