You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
