If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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