I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
