Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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