Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
