kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
