I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
