Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's always time for handjobs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
