I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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