I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
