Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
