god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
foreskin is a definite game changer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
