can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
