sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
