I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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