god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
