i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
