I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
