i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
