is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Congratulations! We have a period
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
