A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
