You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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