Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
