Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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