By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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