In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize