I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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