Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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