Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
