So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
