Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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