Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
