I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
